page one, page one.. page nothing


Protected: Dear Diary,,

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:


Me being 24

Well, lets see. From a couple years ago i already try to make some revolving resolution. Yet it comes to an end, where i can achieve some, while the others i can not. Its a matter of time i know, but some are not -frankly speaking-. I am pretty sure that i can get that if i try a little hard, walk a little further, and pray a little more. Somethings like boyfriend!.ta-da!!

So my 24 y.o. resolution number one should be finding mr. right, finding a mate 🙂

The next can be counted as this:

– i need to look more like adults. no more unimportant laugh, inappropriate move, and all

– i will try to appreciate people the best i can. torture them like they need to be. no more self egoism.

– i will love my family more. i do love them right now, but i think that i should show them more often. Somehow by just saying ‘i love u’ in one and another way. i am shy i know, but i ll try. That’s what a resolution are for, right?

– i am not going to be picky anymore. In any way, for any aspects. I ll try to learn any good things beneath every people. No matter how big i dont like them in the beginning, i can not just did the judge too early. I will skip the bad part turning to the good sight of it.

– i will clean my room every week. do all the total clean up. yeah i will

– i will travel more this year. Hemm, may be i can not since i dont have the permission for annual leave yet, but i ll take any chance that i might get.

– i will save more money!

– i will try to dress up more. For any special event or just for going to work. May be girl really need this for getting an attention 😛

– i wanna buy a new tv set, and getting a larger room if i could..

path of love


always is a mystery

never try it so hard, and push it way too strong

u ll just ruin its way,

and break the path”


That was the thing i learn lately. Its about love, and it was on my own journey. Somehow i put more power in this relationship. Its not even work that far, i know, but somehow i felt like i dont wanna ruin it. I dont wanna lose it #notagain.

At that very moment, when i felt insecure, the time when i try to make it work faster, that’s the time i almost break it. There was time when i sit alone and singing the old song. Trying to memorize and imagine what was wrong and what i did wrong. I can not understand how could things like this keep happening to me all over again. Thats doesn’t mean that i mad to God for making me the victim again, i just keep wondering, where is the wrong key i put? i cant find a way out, i cant even find if there is any way out.

It just be that way as easy as it comes. I wanna be strong, I dont wanna lose, not now. And then i just found out the quote above in a story i read, “kau aku dan kota kita” written by tere liye. This book teach me so much about love and friendship. And that phase, its just remind me that may be i really was wrong. I try too hard which then be the reason why it break. Heart is so fragile. Do it fine and u ll be just fine. But if u hold it a little too hard, u ll just make it smashed. Its not unbreakable of course. Friendship and love, is like the sand. Grasp it in your hand, and hold it smoothly. Not too tight and not too loose. The harder you try, u ll just make them spread away. But if it is too loose , then u ll lost it even more.

You know what happen when i did loose and ran down my impulsion, that’s the time i get all back in track. Thanks to God i got it again. I promise i ll be patient and calm, and hope so to my heart. That way, i know i ll never lost.

no title

I don’t really understand how my feeling is right now. It’s kind of weird, and unbelievable since there is something uncertain about it. You want to know what? I ‘ll tell u..

The main reason I don’t feel secure is because I don’t really know how he really feel about me. Is it true or just another game?? I try to show him how I really feel, but in the other hand, I don’t wanna make him win so easily. Its ashame,. Well then I try to hold my feeling, try not to show it out all, and try just to be calm down. But it still makes me sick! For real.

I will never forgive him if he did play on me. Otherwise, if he truly loves me and care about me, then I will see nothing more. I will just accept him the way he is, and hope this relationship will bring us to end.

But he’s act really is confusing me.. I cant guess how he feels actually. He is just so far away from me that we cant really look up for each other face to face. Sigh..

Should I just calm down and see what will happen next?? Or should I do something about it?? Make him really fall in love with me???????? Yaick! That’s not really me.. yeah but actually I hove no time to be me no more.. I have to do something different to make it work, but please God give me a sign and Yourr bless..

Further, may be I want u to know that I did not text u, or call u, doesn’t mean that I don’t care about u. its just, I don’t wanna be a possessive girl and I ll just hold it for myself. Even if it is hard, I ll..

unrequited love

poor her ,

she is like the character in the story who will always been the friend. then she realized she doesnt just want to be the friend. she wants to be the girlfriend, except its too late

-quote from a movie-


If its a broken arms then fixed it.. If its a broken heart then face it..

That was a song from my favorit singer, Jason Mraz. And this is what actually happen to me right now. I am broken hearted!!

This also be the first time i admit that. So not gentleman of me but this is the fact. People barely can admit something painfull and looks like a looser act. I can laugh a lot, make more joke with my friends while deep inside seems like i need one place to throw it away.

one of my friend told me that he is in town. But he did not call ME! thats so embarassing and inpolite since he said that he will keep this a was good relationship into something that more than a friend have. That thing finally is a bullshit!

He already was dating someone else after me, but why should he keeps acting like that. acting like a super idiot with the shame and flame, whatsoever. I also meet someone else after him, not so late, but this was no happy ending either 😦

i was in the point where i felt like a looser already. Since i have loose this far, no more loose next time. I promise!!